A really solid attempt at an exam-condition essay. You fitted in quite a lot. Keep going for the detail and trying too fit in all those notes from the note-taking sessions beforehand!
My only note, aside from include all the details, is to start thinking about representation in broader context. You say in the beginning who is represented (men - old and young) but you don't give a very clear description of what sort of representation we're given (using terms like stereotypes etc). You could have said something like;
"In this clip from the TV crime drama, Breaking Bad, we see males represented as multi-dimensional while the female checkout operators and patrons in the checkout queue seem to be one-dimensional, almost robotic, not aware of what is going on. The clip represents males as confrontational, above the law (as they seem to be involved in some very shady, illegal activity) and territorial (seen by the dialogue, 'stay out of my patch'. The stereotypical representation of youth as reckless, stupid, not taking pride in their appearance is reinforced with the youth in this clip. We get the sense overall that these men are not answering to anyone in society, society seems to be oblivious to their dark activity and within this male dynamic there is a definite hierarchy of who is more powerful and experienced."
I would then go onto explain everything you just did, but fitting it in around this main argument.
Overall, a well written essay just needing some tweaking to really nail it in the exam!
Foundation Portfolio Story board Job List Treatment A Treatment for 'Virus' Prepared by Kay...
Hi Kayla
ReplyDeleteOverall Score: 39/50
Terminology; 7/10
Analysis/ Argument:16/20
Examples: 16/20
A really solid attempt at an exam-condition essay. You fitted in quite a lot. Keep going for the detail and trying too fit in all those notes from the note-taking sessions beforehand!
My only note, aside from include all the details, is to start thinking about representation in broader context. You say in the beginning who is represented (men - old and young) but you don't give a very clear description of what sort of representation we're given (using terms like stereotypes etc). You could have said something like;
"In this clip from the TV crime drama, Breaking Bad, we see males represented as multi-dimensional while the female checkout operators and patrons in the checkout queue seem to be one-dimensional, almost robotic, not aware of what is going on. The clip represents males as confrontational, above the law (as they seem to be involved in some very shady, illegal activity) and territorial (seen by the dialogue, 'stay out of my patch'. The stereotypical representation of youth as reckless, stupid, not taking pride in their appearance is reinforced with the youth in this clip. We get the sense overall that these men are not answering to anyone in society, society seems to be oblivious to their dark activity and within this male dynamic there is a definite hierarchy of who is more powerful and experienced."
I would then go onto explain everything you just did, but fitting it in around this main argument.
Overall, a well written essay just needing some tweaking to really nail it in the exam!